A Mother's Love - I Will

I Will – A Mother’s Love is Eternal

  

A Mother’s Love

  On October 24th, 2002, my mother was diagnosed with Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia and my life was forever changed.  My mother and I were always best friends.  I never went through the teen angst where I rebelled against my parents.  She was my rock and my confidant.  There was never a time I didn’t feel completely support by a mother’s love.  When she got sick, I knew that I would be there for her in every way I possibly could.  

 

    For the next fourteen months, I watch as my mother fought with everything she had.  Her faith never waivered and through the good times and the bad she remained my hero and still is.  I was able to keep my word to myself and I was able to do everything I could for her.  When she passed away, as sad as I was (and still am) I was able to say that I had no regrets in what I did for her.

 

    The specific story I want to share about my mom today, was inspired by a teddy bear.  A small simple teddy bear that has given me the opportunity to connect my mother, the most important person for the first thirty years of my life, to my daughter, the most important person for the rest of my life.  

 

Towards the End …

    Towards the end of my mother’s illness, she was being treated at Memorial Sloane Kettering in New York City.  I had stayed with my mother at every hospital that she was treated, but Sloane Kettering had by far been the best.  Not only was the quality of care amazing, but my Aunt Pat, my mom’s sister, worked across the street and finally I felt that there was someone that could spend time with my mom while I was at work.  Aunt Pat would visit my mother during lunch and occasionally would bring my mom gifts.

   

After school everyday, I would drive down to see my mom and on this day, my aunt had bought her the sweetest stuffed bear.  It was a white teddy bear, with a burgundy hat and scarf.  I had seen it in the gift shop dozens of times, but I didn’t know the bear could sing.  When I got to my mom’s room, she was so thrilled with this small token of love.  She played the song for me, telling me that she didn’t think she had ever heard it before and asked if when I got home, could I Google where it came from.

   

When I got home, I found out that the song was from the second side of The Beatles, White Album.  The song was “I Will” and the lyrics are:

 

I Will – The Beatles

Who knows how long I’ve loved you

You know I love you still

Will I wait a lonely lifetime

If you want me to, I will

For if I ever saw you

I didn’t catch your name

But it never really mattered

I will always feel the same

Love you forever and forever

Love you with all my heart

I Love you whenever we’re together

Love you when we’re apart

And when at last I find you

Your song will fill the air

Sing it loud so I can hear you

Make it easy to be near you

For the things you do endear you to me

Oh, you know I will

I will

 

I don’t think I’ve ever heard a sweeter or more perfect song to describe the relationship I have with my mom.  Even though she is gone, I know that she and I will:

 

Love you forever and forever

Love you with all my heart

I Love you whenever we’re together

Love you when we’re apart

A Mother's Love - I Will

When My mom died …

    When my mom died, I was beyond devastated.  I knew that she also had similar relationship with her own mom; I once asked her how she was able to deal with the death of her own mom.  She told me that she put all of her energy and love into my older brother Kevin.  He was just a baby when my mom’s mom died, a mother’s love can heal.  Now here I was, with no mom, no children of my own; I was lost.

 

 I did promise myself that if I had children of my own, I would put everything I had into them, I would give them all a mother’s love.  My brothers and I buried my mom, boxed up her house and did our best to move on with our lives.  We each took different things from mom’s house.  I made sure that one of the things that I took was the bear.  I kept it and played the song when I just missed her too much to bare.

 

    The song ‘I Will” remained a connection to my mom.  Whenever it came up on my iPod, I would think of her and the tears I once shed when I heard it, turned to smiles.  The pain of losing her faded and the happy memories stayed.

 

Ten Years AFter …

Ten years after my mother’s death, I found out I was pregnant.  I didn’t know if I was having a boy or a girl.  And didn’t find out the baby’s gender because I wanted a surprise, because I did secretly wish for a girl.  I hoped that I again could feel the bond between a mother and a daughter, this time I could be the mother instead of the daughter.   Whenever I thought about my mom, I would sing “I Will” to my belly.  I knew the baby could hear it and it was not only a connection I needed to share with my baby, but a message.

 

My gorgeous girl  was born in the winter of 2015  The very first song I ever sang to her was “I Will”.  When I got home from the hospital, I dug out my mother’s bear and was devastated when I realized that I had left the batteries in the stuffed animal and ruined the power source.  I thought that this stuffed animal would be a connection between my mother and my daughter.  I allowed myself to wallow in self-pity for a few hours, then decided to look online to see if I could replace it.  

 

In five minutes, I had ordered the exact same stuffed bear; in two days it was in my house and within moments of receiving it my daughter was in love.  Although I wished I could have given her the same bear that my mom had owned, but material possessions are just that, material.  They are not the memory, it isn’t the love.  It is just a reminder of them.  This replacement still gives me this story to share with you and to share with my daughter.  This bear is a symbol of a mother’s love.

 

I Will love you Forever

The song the bear plays, “I Will”, was her first lullaby and remains her lullaby today.   I know that when I sing, “Love you forever and forever, Love you with all my heart,  I Love you whenever we’re together, Love you when we’re apart.”  She feels the love I have for her and the love my mother had for me.  A mother’s love for her child never goes away, it never dies.  A mother’s love is eternal.

If you liked this, consider reading Even Though She is Gone.

 

 

A Mother's Love - I Will

6 thoughts on “I Will – A Mother’s Love is Eternal

  1. Art Rubino says:

    Allison,
    I remember your M om fondly. I particularly remember her faith in Jesus. She was a great woman, with a very positive attitude. Your Blog is great. Keep[ it up.
    Uncle Artie Rubino

  2. Catherine Doyle says:

    Dear Allison,
    This is a very beautiful story — I knew your Mom since I was a little girl, (as you know she married my cousin, your Dad, John) Your Mom was one of the most loving, kind and fun people I have ever met in my life. Her laughter was contagious, and she was so pure and good. I am sure she is smiling down on you and Annabelle Rose with great pride and love.
    We are lucky to have had the loving mothers we had, as I too, am inspired by, and try to replicate the generous, loving and unselfish ways of my own Mom (Aunt Kay) for my daughters. We had wonderful role models!
    Thank you for your blog.
    Catherine Doyle

  3. Barb Knowles says:

    This is so beautiful. A difference age-wise between us is that I had that album and immediately knew which song you were referring to. When I asked you to read my post about my mom, I had no idea that you had written this one. Our experiences are very different. I did not have that bond with my mom. A driving force for me with my children is to be the type of mother I wish I could have had. It took a long time to realize it, but I know she did the best that she could. That’s all we can ask.I envy (in a good way) the relationship you had with your mother.
    Crazy that you could find that same bear 💟

  4. Danielle Saldiveri says:

    As I read your story it feels so close to my own. The relationship between my mother and I, her illness, he fight, everything I did with everything I had to help her fight and the devastation I felt after she passed. I too gave birth to a baby girl after she passed and I swear I see my mother in my Olivia Ann everyday. Thank you so much for sharing your story. Xo

    Danielle

  5. Elaine Connor says:

    That is a beautiful story ,even though I didn’t know your mom she sounds like she was a beautiful woman and she has past her heart and soul to you and you are and Will always have that mother daughter bond with your daughter. Two beautiful people.

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